Hope Glass Refilled?

I caved.  Broke no contact.  It’s an emotional risky move….a total gamble.  My “hope” glass was running dry and the need to fill it was overwhelming.  And I may pay the ultimate price for it.

I called “him”.  Didn’t expect him to answer and had a voice mail message ready to leave for him.  In so many words and without using the word, I asked for closure.  One call…that’s all.  It’s not too much to ask after all the years together and everything we’ve been through.  Just one call…let me know what happened and that he’s okay.

I thought this would immediately fill my hope glass but as I sit here, I realize that while I may have filled it for a few brief moments, he is probably going to spill it.  I can see the hope  drainining out as each minute passes.  And if 24 hours go by, with no response my hope glass will be empty again.  It’s empting faster these days.

I can already feel the knot in my core and the tears threatening to spill from my heart because my mind already knows what is going to happen….although my heart isn’t as smart as my mind, it is unfortunately stronger at this point.

I need to smash that damn hope glass…..it’s rose color fools me every time.

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3 thoughts on “Hope Glass Refilled?

  1. 2014 jordans says:

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    Like

  2. narcopathcrusher says:

    Relapse is part of recovery. Be kind to yourself!

    Like

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