The mood swings in the aftermath of losing “him” are making me seasick. I can go from feeling no pain, no rejection, no hurt, feeling pretty good to feelings of complete despair, overwhelming sadness, of loneliness.
Overwhelming sadness is where I am this morning and it isn’t just about “him”. I left the house this morning completely disappointed with my husband. That disappointment is just fuel in my emotional fire.
The disappointment in my marriage, with “him”, with life right now is consuming me this morning. As I was driving to work, every song on the road triggered an emotion. I had such an incredible urge to just keep driving and driving and driving…take a week off from life. Take a week or a month off for me. Tears threatening to escape the boundaries of my eyes as I walked into my office building.
Yet on the surface, to everyone around me…I appear perfectly fine, perfectly stable, perfectly reliable, perfectly strong. No one sees the war of emotions raging through me…..because I can’t tell anyone..not even my closest friend what I’ve done or what I’m going through. It’s my own private hell.