Seasick

The mood swings in the aftermath of losing “him” are making me seasick.  I can go from feeling no pain, no rejection, no hurt, feeling pretty good to feelings of complete despair, overwhelming sadness, of loneliness.

Overwhelming sadness is where I am this morning and it isn’t just about “him”.  I left the house this morning completely disappointed with my husband.  That disappointment is just fuel in my emotional fire.

The disappointment in my marriage, with “him”, with life right now is consuming me this morning.  As I was driving to work, every song on the road triggered an emotion.  I had such an incredible urge to just keep driving and driving and driving…take a week off from life.  Take a week or a month off for me.  Tears threatening to escape the boundaries of my eyes as I walked into my office building.

Yet on the surface, to everyone around me…I appear perfectly fine, perfectly stable, perfectly reliable, perfectly strong. No one sees the war of emotions raging through me…..because I can’t tell anyone..not even my closest friend what I’ve done or what I’m going through.  It’s my own private hell.

 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Seasick

  1. I had an affair says:

    Yep…. right there with you….

    Liked by 2 people

  2. grappledbythegrappler says:

    i’m sorry you are filling overwhelmed. i know how you feel when you can’t tell anyone. i don’t feel overwhelmed with my marriage. for me, it’s more of learning to better appreciate my husband and putting energy into it rather than on my grappler. he’s my little secret that consumes me.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s