Since “he” left unexpectedly July 4th weekend, I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster ride. However recently, I’ve been feeling pretty good all things considered. I believe I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and feeling confident that it isn’t actually another oncoming train in disguise.
But today….today I’m feeling a familiar weight on my heart. I know this weight well. Today I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of disappointment, sadness and the need to know “why”. I want to send “him” the following text message:
“I never thought you would runaway …
and definitely not without an explanation or even a goodbye.
I thought you were stronger, better than that.”
This message is saved as a draft on my phone. Passive aggressive…probably. He is a very strong dominant man. Basically, I’m calling him weak, a coward because honestly, that is what I think right now, today.
I want to send it but what will it change? I’m sure he won’t reply, although a very small piece of me holds out hope that he will. I have only sent 3 text messages and left 1 voicemail message since he left. He hasn’t responded to any of them. If he really cared he would have responded. I think a part of me doesn’t want to believe that he doesn’t care….after everything we went through together, it’s hard for me to accept that. Yet, I shouldn’t care anymore either and I know I should focus on the people in my life.
To send or not to send…