The Unsent Text Message

Since “he” left unexpectedly July 4th weekend, I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster ride. However recently, I’ve been feeling pretty good all things considered. I believe I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and feeling confident that it isn’t actually another oncoming train in disguise.

 But today….today I’m feeling a familiar weight on my heart. I know this weight well. Today I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of disappointment, sadness and the need to know “why”. I want to send “him” the following text message:

“I never thought you would runaway …
and definitely not without an explanation or even a goodbye.
I thought you were stronger, better than that.”

This message is saved as a draft on my phone. Passive aggressive…probably. He is a very strong dominant man.  Basically, I’m calling him weak, a coward because honestly,  that is what I think right now, today.

 I want to send it but what will it change? I’m sure he won’t reply, although a very small piece of me holds out hope that he will. I have only sent 3 text messages and left 1 voicemail message since he left. He hasn’t responded to any of them. If he really cared he would have responded. I think a part of me doesn’t want to believe that he doesn’t care….after everything we went through together, it’s hard for me to accept that. Yet, I shouldn’t care anymore either and I know I should focus on the people in my life.

To send or not to send…

 

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15 thoughts on “The Unsent Text Message

  1. imaginarypowertrip says:

    i can soooo relate. **hugs**

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ugh, I know where you are and exactly how you feel. as you know, we can all tell you to NOT send or TO send but in the end, it’s really what are you the most comfortable with. I’m sorry today is a particularly rough day {hugs}

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  3. I can totally relate to that need to know why. I suggest you ask yourself are you after closure or do you hoping that he will be sorry so you can restart your affair? I hope you find your peace. x

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    • Thank you. I’m definitely after closure. That’s been my biggest struggle. His last words to me indicated that he would be in contact and he would never push me away. He even said he needed me to trust him.
      I know I don’t want to be with him anymore….especially after this. I just want to know why, why he lied, why he ran away, why he left a trail of empty promises, why..just why. I know I need to find that peace from within because I may never get my questions answered by him.
      Tomorrow is a new day.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. First of all thank you for sharing your story. Although it’s hard to do, it makes you vulnerable, and it seems as if you’re baring it all for the world to see. That’s not the most comfortable position to be in, so kudos to you for taking that step.
    I’d like to play devil’s advocate for a bit. Whether you send your message or not, it’s up to you. For me though, since he hasn’t responded to your other messages, or given you an explanation, I won’t hold my breath on a response 😔
    Some people believe the best way to move on, is to break all contact. For me I don’t agree, you should at least make an attempt to say your point of view. That being said, it doesn’t mean the other person will understand. Unfortunately you don’t get points for that, I’ve learnt from personal experience.
    Oh before I forget, and don’t hate me for this, but it’s not entirely accurate to say he doesn’t care about you. While I don’t know his reasoning. Let’s say he did have a good reason, and he’s the type that believes that you should break all contact. He would be justified in his response, of course you probably don’t agree with that. This could be a scenario you pose to your next potential boyfriend. Propose it as a choice, tell the truth or save someone’s feelings (according to his point of view)
    Now that I’ve probably made a new enemy 😕, hope you’re still reading though 😊
    Since you’re writing draft texts. Why not take it a step further, write a letter, and say everything you’d say to him if you were face to face. You see your mind doesn’t know the difference. Whether you actually say it, or write it down. That will create more room in your head, room you can use to build up and Love yourself. While Self-Love doesn’t prevent heart breaks, it does give you strength to deal with it in healthy ways.

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    • Thank you for your response and insight. And you didn’t make a new enemy 🙂 I agree with much of what you said. It’s very possible that he did have a good reason for breaking all contact. I just think he could have done it in a much better way instead of leaving a trail of empty promises. That stings more than losing the relationship. I’ve also done exactly what you suggested. I’ve written many emails and text messages that didn’t get sent. It was my defense against the overwhelming raw emotions I felt in the first few weeks. In hindsight, I’m very glad I didn’t send any of them (some were just crazy emotional lol) but they still served a purpose….just as you suggested. Thank you again for responding.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Glad to hear you already know about writing your thoughts and feelings down, had you not, it could have eaten you alive. Lol now that I think about it, that’s probably why you started a blog huh 😉
        Your story resonated with me, because in my last relationship, once I decided to end it, I was accused of not caring about her. I am an INTJ on the Myers Briggs. Before I make a decision I calculate as many variables that I can, while you may not agree with my decision, it’s not always accurate that I don’t care. While I know I caused her great pain, I also know this, relationships should be mutually beneficial. Meaning that you both have to be moving towards your better selves.

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  5. Yes, it is exactly why I started this blog. I needed a place to dump all the feelings and thoughts in my head and heart. They needed an outlet. I’ve always found writing to be therapeutic. I’m an ISFJ….need I say more.

    Knowing you are an INTJ, I better understand and in some ways admire your ability to make a sound decision that isn’t strangled by emotion. As you stated, it may come across that you don’t care (based on what drives you) but that doesn’t mean that you don’t care. Perhaps that’s the same in my situation. Thank you for sharing insight.

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  6. This one really hits home. I hate the feeling of being abandoned. I’m sure given that you are still married much of your grief work has to be done in private. I know that is hard. I hope you find some inner peace soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I’m sorry you are going through similar feelings. It’s such a bumpy road. You are right. My grief work has all been done in private…and on here. Many times I’ve been so upset and the only person near by to comfort me is my husband….well that’s not really good, which just makes it worse at time. (hugs) to you

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  7. […] came up with about 10 other versions.  The first one was in my post “The Unsent Text Message“.  I found something wrong with each version.  I imagined his reaction to each one.  One […]

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