While I’m finding out that I can live without “him”, I am struggling to live without the type of relationship we had.
We were involved in a D/s relationship. “He” woke the sleeping submissive giant within me and now that giant has insomnia. Despite my best efforts, I have not been able to send that submissive giant back into hibernation.
It totally consumes my thoughts….guess that’s better than “him” consuming my thoughts. My husband is not able to provide the level of Domination that I need, that I crave. My life feels very unbalanced at the moment. The strong and in control side that is required in my professional life (along with my home life) is taking over. The submissive side of me is SCREAMING for attention. It needs an outlet. It needs to be recognized, shared, acknowledged, accepted, nurtured.
While my affair is over and I don’t want him back in my life, it appears he left me with a parting gift….my submissive awakening. I don’t know whether to thank him for it or curse him for it.
Just writing this is making me very anxious, the war raging inside me. The need is soooo overwhelming so much so I could easily border on subfrenzy if I wasn’t careful. I have switched one challenge (getting over him) for another challenge (fighting my submissive needs). None of this fits into my nice quiet calm vanilla life. Ug!!!!!!