The Sleeping Giant Has Insomnia

While I’m finding out that I can live without “him”, I am struggling to live without the type of relationship we had.
We were involved in a D/s relationship.  “He” woke the sleeping submissive giant within me and now that giant has insomnia.  Despite my best efforts, I have not been able to send that submissive giant back into hibernation.

It totally consumes my thoughts….guess that’s better than “him” consuming my thoughts.  My husband is not able to provide the level of Domination that I need, that I crave.  My life feels very unbalanced at the moment.  The strong and in control side that is required in my professional life (along with my home life) is taking over.  The submissive side of me is SCREAMING for attention.  It needs an outlet.  It needs to be recognized, shared, acknowledged, accepted, nurtured.

While my affair is over and I don’t want him back in my life, it appears he left me with a parting gift….my submissive awakening.  I don’t know whether to thank him for it or curse him for it.

Just writing this is making me very anxious, the war raging inside me.  The need is soooo overwhelming so much so I could easily border on subfrenzy if I wasn’t careful.  I have switched one challenge (getting over him) for another challenge (fighting my submissive needs).  None of this fits into my nice quiet calm vanilla life.  Ug!!!!!!


5 thoughts on “The Sleeping Giant Has Insomnia

  1. I had an affair says:

    Insomnia… it allows us more time to think about what we don’t have, huh?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Cameron says:

    I’ve been drawn to your story…not out of some voyeuristic need to peek in on the struggles of another person, but rather because it resonates for me. The context is different on many levels (one being I am male), but the aftermath…the internal and awakened desires you now describe are very similar to yours. It is (or was) a sleeping giant…and oh, how my perspective on desire and satisfaction were morphed as a result. It’s like a black and white world had the color switch turned on and now I can’t go back to B&W. And I don’t know how to deal with it.

    Just know you aren’t alone…tho’ it’s likely little consolation.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It appears that many of us have a relationship with Insomnia, in the literal form and the nuanced form that Cameron writes about. I seem to be in a threesome with both versions. I’m currently on a three evening go-round whilst traveling abroad and of course, I’ve been in a constant state of insomnia awakened to the desires and the needs I never allowed myself to have before. until I met “him”. I have no answer other than to say your post resonates and feel free to let the giant scream. he/she can’t be ignored forever…{hugs}


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