Sitting on the outside looking in

Hard to believe it’s been about 6 weeks since my last post.  While I’ve maintained no contact with my x-AP, I’ve also tried to fill the gaping hole he left in less than desirable ways leaving me feeling just as empty.  I don’t know why I keep searching outside of my own home/marriage/family…for what I’m not even sure.   Perhaps it’s all really just an escape from my life.  A life that I don’t feel like I fit into.  I often sit on the outside of myself watching the physical self go through the motions of being a wife, mother, professional….yet none of it feels quite right.  Yet, it’s exactly the life I yearned for years ago.  Perhaps it’s the feeling of failure as a mother and wife that turns my head away in search of something else… Mr. Escape from Reality.   When did life become so complicated.

 

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2 thoughts on “Sitting on the outside looking in

  1. sassygirl40 says:

    I have been thinking lately that my uncontrolled lust for my affair partner is likely due to my desire to escape my current situation. I love my kids, my family, but my AP was my escape from my reality. I miss that. I sit here faced with how the rest of my life is going to go and I am afraid to make changes but I also don’t think another affair is going to solve anything. It hasn’t stopped me from considering another affair, if only to get over this current AP. The difference is I don’t want another guy who is attached. Less collateral damage that way. But still unhealthy on my side of things.

    Liked by 2 people

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