Bad Dream…I wish.

My mind is a mess.  My thoughts consume by x-ap.  It was so much better when I went days and days without thinking about him.  One small message has sent my mind spiraling, consumed with new whys.  Why now? Why contact me at all?  Why contact me then disappear again? Why would he do this to me? Wasn’t it cruel enough the first time?  Damn it! 

My strength is weakening.  It’s taking everything I have to not get swallowed up by this one little message.   I find myself checking my phone more often again.  Yet I know in my gut he has set me up again and while he doesn’t know it, I’ve fallen for it again, my heart and mind know.   This sucks so bad.  I was 5 months out and now I feel like I’m back at the 2-3 month mark again. 

And yet I know…that I’m the one in control of how I respond to this.  I own the feelings and actions and that I have the control to dismiss him and not let this impact me.  So easy to say….

This feels like a really bad dream and I want to wake up now.


2 thoughts on “Bad Dream…I wish.

  1. This is only but a moment of your life. You can get through this. Take it one day, one hour, one second if you will. Go for a run. Start exercising if you aren’t doing so daily. Keep yourself busy so the thoughts don’t intrude. It will get easier and I promise you will be back to the 5 month mentality in no time. This is just a test. Keep that in mind. Keep yourself focused on you, not him. And whatever you do–delete your email account that he used to contact you. Change your cell phone–everything. It will be another barrier and protect you from going down this rabbit hole to no where. I can promise you that much. And lastly, hang in there. But whatever you do, don’t look back. Look forward.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I really appreciate it.


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