My mind is a mess. My thoughts consume by x-ap. It was so much better when I went days and days without thinking about him. One small message has sent my mind spiraling, consumed with new whys. Why now? Why contact me at all? Why contact me then disappear again? Why would he do this to me? Wasn’t it cruel enough the first time? Damn it!
My strength is weakening. It’s taking everything I have to not get swallowed up by this one little message. I find myself checking my phone more often again. Yet I know in my gut he has set me up again and while he doesn’t know it, I’ve fallen for it again, my heart and mind know. This sucks so bad. I was 5 months out and now I feel like I’m back at the 2-3 month mark again.
And yet I know…that I’m the one in control of how I respond to this. I own the feelings and actions and that I have the control to dismiss him and not let this impact me. So easy to say….
This feels like a really bad dream and I want to wake up now.