Edge of Acceptance Once Again

​I’ve been rereading parts of my blog…especially from 2 years ago.  Around this same time, I was getting to a place of acceptance regarding my x-ap’s disappearance.  I sent what I thought was going to be my final email to him.  In the weeks that followed, I was in a good place.  I was healing and letting go.  And then…..BAM! He contacted me, the 5 month silence was broken. Little did I know I was going to have to go through the same grieving process all over again.

That’s where I am now.  My last attempt to contact P. was July 22nd…his birthday.  I have no idea if he listened to my voicemail or not.  I told him that there was only 1 gift I could give him and I knew it was the one thing he wanted the most from me.  It would be coming in the days ahead.  I intentionally left it a bit cryptic but I was referring to no longer contacting him.  
I have finally gotten back to the place I was 2 years ago. Over the past 8 months,  I’ve tried to contact him several times via text, email and voicemail with no response.  I had to go through that process again so I wouldn’t constantly be wondering “did I try hard enough, what if, what if, what if”.  

I’m on the edge of acceptance and the verge of letting go…once again.  I have more peaceful moments than anxious, upset, gut wrenching moments.   When those less desirable moments try to invade my peace, I quickly try to dissolve them before they consume my heart.   

I’m getting there…..


3 thoughts on “Edge of Acceptance Once Again

  1. Lavender says:

    I’m so sorry. I understand exactly how you feel. Contacting him again was the worst thing ever. It’s as if all that healing went to naught. But it only made me realize he didn’t care enough to listen to what I had to say. And at least I have a clear conscience. Sighs, hugs !

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Exactly….everything I went through the first time around I had to go through all over again. I feel that I’ve tried enough…. it’s exhausting after awhile. Thanks for your thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lavender says:

    You don’t need to try. The thing that I couldn’t around my head was the fact he didn’t care enough. That I was in denial.


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