I’ve been rereading parts of my blog…especially from 2 years ago. Around this same time, I was getting to a place of acceptance regarding my x-ap’s disappearance. I sent what I thought was going to be my final email to him. In the weeks that followed, I was in a good place. I was healing and letting go. And then…..BAM! He contacted me, the 5 month silence was broken. Little did I know I was going to have to go through the same grieving process all over again.
That’s where I am now. My last attempt to contact P. was July 22nd…his birthday. I have no idea if he listened to my voicemail or not. I told him that there was only 1 gift I could give him and I knew it was the one thing he wanted the most from me. It would be coming in the days ahead. I intentionally left it a bit cryptic but I was referring to no longer contacting him.
I have finally gotten back to the place I was 2 years ago. Over the past 8 months, I’ve tried to contact him several times via text, email and voicemail with no response. I had to go through that process again so I wouldn’t constantly be wondering “did I try hard enough, what if, what if, what if”.
I’m on the edge of acceptance and the verge of letting go…once again. I have more peaceful moments than anxious, upset, gut wrenching moments. When those less desirable moments try to invade my peace, I quickly try to dissolve them before they consume my heart.
I’m getting there…..