Flower Petal Roulette

“I let him go”

“I let him go Not”

“I let him go”

“I let him go Not”

…..the petals of my soul fall to the floor.  Just when the last petal lands on “I let him go” and I am feeling strong, another flower appears in the vase…more petals.  I walk away from the vase, smashed it on the floor yet it always reappears, taunting me, pulling me in.   My hand reaches for another flower and the flower petal roulette starts all over.  Today, I landed on “I let him go Not”.  Damn flowers…the thorns hurt, my tears water the flowers….vicious cycle. 

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6 thoughts on “Flower Petal Roulette

  1. Angi says:

    This is very much me. I tell myself to walk away. I tell myself I’ve finally had enough. I deserve so much better. And yet…I let him go not. Damned flowers

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is a vicious cycle. I’m hoping one day I’ll spin out of it. I hope you do too. Why is it so hard to permanently let go? Perhaps some weed control on those flowers would help.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Angi says:

        I wish I knew. Every time Hobbes blows off a text or acts distant…I tell myself that THIS is the very last straw. I tell myself I’m tired of hurting. I tell myself I can’t mark off another calendar year of this shit. And when the time comes for me to turn around and take the first step in the opposite direction of him…I falter and I fail and I run right back into the same old rut of pain and sadness. I can tell myself that what I’m doing makes NO sense and yet, I keep right on doing the same thing and hoping…begging…praying for a different result. They say that’s the definition of insanity. I’m beginning to think they’re right

        Like

  2. Lavender says:

    I was exactly in the same position not so long ago. Finally I decided enough was enough. If I kept my life this way, there was no way I make it past any birthday. So I relinquished everything and simply broke through cold turkey. The withdrawal was torture but we’ll worth it as I became a much stronger person. The hurt remains but it’s a reminder of how temptation no longer haunts me. I regained my dignity and self worth.

    Liked by 3 people

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