I’m in shock…

Last time I heard from P. was November 2015…over a year ago.  I’ve called a handful of times and sent a couple emails but had no contact since last July.  Until last Friday….when the Flower Petal Roulette landed on “I let him go Not”.

I called him and he actually answered.  My number was blocked so he didn’t know it was me until I spoke and then he hung up on me. Either his presumed wife was there or he was still being coward.  I called back and of course it went to voicemail.  I told him I needed 15 mins of his time and then he would never hear from me again.  I never heard back from him until today.

I opened our email to send him a farewell email. I was closing our book and doing what he should have done when he left the first time.  But when I opened our email, there on the screen was an email from him.

I’m in shock, numb.  I’ve just been staring at the words on the screen.  “Hi Baby, I’m still here.  I haven’t left you…….”.  Really?!?!  I don’t know if I’m angry, relieved, sad. I feel sick on my stomach.  I think I was already prepared to not hear from him.

Damn….I wasn’t prepared for this.


11 thoughts on “I’m in shock…

  1. WTF???? Noooooooo. You’ve done sooooo good. And for so long in maintaining NC.

    I’m dying here. What did he write?!?

    Liked by 1 person

    • IKR!! It is history repeating itself. He appears out of no where for the 2nd time. Damn whack-a-mole….popping up unexpectedly.

      He apologized for not contacting me for ions. He wasn’t alone when I called and couldn’t talk. He has a million things to tell me but most importantly he is still here and hasn’t left me. As soon as he is alone he promises to call. He hoped that email address was still good and that I email him back.

      This is why I have a hard time letting go….because he has a pattern of reappearing which in turn fuels the hope. There is no more romantic “us” and I’ve accepted that. I do miss the friendship part. We could talk about anything and everything. I’ve lost a great friend.
      We’ll see if he actually calls….

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey I don’t know you but I wouldn’t say cut this guy Lou. If he thinks that he can ghost you and come back almost 2 years later given the whole baby baby speech I would tell him to go fuck himself personally. I know that sounds harsh but I don’t mean that in an angry way. Just that one thing that you look for in a relationship is some type of consistency and that definitely hasn’t been there. I too have been in a situation where there was more anticipation than actual satisfaction and looking back it’s just not worth it to put yourself through that. Find someone who’s willing to talk to you everyday. Again I don’t know you and this is just my two cents worth and I hope that whatever you do works out for the best and makes you happy.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you and that wasn’t a harsh response at all. It was a real one. Life is complicated sometimes. I do have someone else in my life but this other person showed me a whole other world, a whole different side of me. He is an asshole too….something I didn’t know the years we shared together. Not having closure is the challenge. Your two cents is much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Life is ximplicated sometimes 🙂 I definitely understand how another person can open up things that were undiscovered previously. That is happening to me right now. If that person was not in my life, I would probably miss them too, but be thankful for that part of me that was awoken. You sound like you have a great head on your shoulders. It takes courage to keep looking for the answers you need. Hugs from afar.


  3. First sentence is supposed to read cut this guy loose not Lou

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Cinn says:

    Would this be acceptable if you were reading this post and not writing it ?
    I’m going to bet not

    This is beyond lame. He is gone. Let him go.
    Anything he tells you is a lie. You know this already.

    Hugs and love

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Cinn says:

    This =him … NOT you. Just in case that reads wrong. I am in no way criticizing you

    Liked by 1 person

    • I totally understood what you were saying but thanks for the added consideration. 🙂 Sometimes the intent of the written word can be mistaken. To answer your question, if I was reading my story as someone else’s, I would be giving the same advice that you gave me. I would be shaking my head and talking to the computer screen…”what are you doing? walk away!”. In fact, I believe I have done that on some other blogs.
      It’s often easier to give great advice than take one’s own advice….my own personal challenge. Thank you for pointing out this perspective.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. You and I are strangers, dear one, but if I may be allowed to give my opinion – I would say: he is a selfish and inconsiderate loser. YOU are a beautiful and special woman and deserve to be treated with respect and affection. I know how easy it is to fall back into the dead end mindset of hoping and cherishing any crumbs he throws your way. DONT DO IT!! You are worth much more. A man who truly cares for you will never behave this way. Please know I mean no disrespect to you – these are just my thoughts. Best wishes to you.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I appreciate your comment and no disrespect taken at all. He is selfish and a loser….no doubt. We had a “special” relationship. He is solely responsible for finding and a nurturing my submissive side. He took me to some very deep levels of submission. I believe that connection is what is making it challenging to cut the final string….especially when nothing “bad” happened between us. He left to start a new life but never said good-bye. No closure, left me in a state of vulnerability and continued to throw crumbs of false hope…all equal a big emotional and mental mess.
    Fortunately, I’m tired of it. After awhile the empty promises become an insult. My respect for him which use to be very high has come crashing down. I kind of feel sorry for him…weird. Thanks again for the words of encouragement. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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