Last I heard P. was going to be “in town” this week….relatively speaking anyways. Instead of being 1k miles away he will only be 100 or so miles away. I think he arrived yesterday but I haven’t heard from him since last week.
Will he or won’t he contact me while he is near?
I’ll have an answer in a couple of days and if the answer is no then….I give up. I’m tired of this game.
The good times we shared are being covered in his bullshit, empty promises and lies. I really don’t want the good times to be replaced with bad memories but…..maybe that’s what needs to happen.
My thoughts lately have drifted from one end of the spectrum to the other. Some days my thoughts are consumed with hurt, pain and distrust by and for P. Other days are more peaceful ….those are the days when I let go of those tormenting thoughts.
No matter how bad it hurts or how bad you feel, it’s time to stop thinking about that person who played with your feelings, who took your love for granted, who never appreciated your care, who wasn’t contented with what you could give him or her. You can’t stay at that hurtful place anymore. You can’t keep shedding tears over someone who doesn’t deserve the love you gave. You can’t keep feeling sorry for yourself and thinking if only you did more. You can’t make them want the relationship because if they wanted they wouldn’t have let go of you. You deserve better now. You deserve someone who appreciates you and who won’t play with your delicate heart.. Just like a cut on your hand will take time to heal, your broken heart needs time to heal as well. That’s not the end of your life. You will get over that pain you’re having right now and one day you’ll be happy again.
…..the petals of my soul fall to the floor. Just when the last petal lands on “I let him go” and I am feeling strong, another flower appears in the vase…more petals. I walk away from the vase, smashed it on the floor yet it always reappears, taunting me, pulling me in. My hand reaches for another flower and the flower petal roulette starts all over. Today, I landed on “I let him go Not”. Damn flowers…the thorns hurt, my tears water the flowers….vicious cycle.