Every once in awhile, those thoughts of what once was creep into my mind and heart. They come with their sharp knives, scissors and hammers and inflict pain on the slowly healing wounds.
Thoughts are so powerful. They are the driver of how we feel and our daily outlook. It is a struggle every day to see the goodness around me. It is especially hard when the thoughts I’m trying to forget creep in and try to destroy the new seedlings of positive thoughts.
I wanted to quickly capture this moment, this feeling before it leaves as mysteriously as it arrived.
I woke up this morning feeling an incredible and unexplained sense of confidence, of empowerment, of lightness. It feels awesome….like I can conquer anything! For weeks I’ve been feeling weighted down by “why”, feeling like a victim, consumed by hurt and rejection…but this morning, I woke up with a “Fuck You” attitude and a smile.
Not a pissed off Fuck You attitude more like …. I don’t need you, your lies, your cowardice, your bullshit. Fuck you, I deserve better than that so be on your way.
I have no idea where this is coming from so I don’t know how long it will be around. I wish I could bottle it up and every morning have my “Fuck You Drink”. How cool and refreshing would that be?!?!
Force your thoughts to go where you eventually want to be.
For some this is hard to do. Myself included. It takes a dedicated effort and a conscious decision to do so. It’s easy to wallow in sadness, rejection, self defeat,anger, self pity. Those emotions are soooo strong but….are they strong because they’ve been “working-out”? Have they been taking up residency in your mental “gym”? Perhaps it is time to allow different members into your mental “gym”, give them time to work out and become stronger….stronger than the current members.
I’ve spent a lot of time reading blogs about people going through the same struggles as I am. I found comfort in those blogs. Hey, I wasn’t the only one feeling sad, lonely, confused, rejected, anger etc. But I started to realize something…the longer I focused my attention on that, I was continuing to allow those feelings to work-out in my mental gym. I needed those feelings to get weaker not stronger.
So, I’ve slowly started to switch my focus on where I want to be. I want to be happy, to move on, to accept and to love the life I have or make my life something I love. I don’t want to wallow in self pity and sadness anymore. It’s too damn exhausting and it doesn’t change anything. There was a time for that, a time to grieve but now it’s time to kick the bullies out of my mental gym and allow the new members time to gain strength.
Is it easy? No….not yet. But with time those positive feelings will get stronger and become automatic. The alternative….stayed consumed in a dark place with the mental bullies. Is that where I want to be? Hell no!