Last I heard P. was going to be “in town” this week….relatively speaking anyways. Instead of being 1k miles away he will only be 100 or so miles away. I think he arrived yesterday but I haven’t heard from him since last week.
Will he or won’t he contact me while he is near?
I’ll have an answer in a couple of days and if the answer is no then….I give up. I’m tired of this game.
The good times we shared are being covered in his bullshit, empty promises and lies. I really don’t want the good times to be replaced with bad memories but…..maybe that’s what needs to happen.
I can’t believe it’s been almost 2 weeks since my last post. I’m happy to report that I’m in a GREAT place. I was getting ready to create a post about it and then started flipping through my media folder. WOW! So many quotes dripping with hurt, pain, rejection. It’s reminder of where I was and where I don’t want to be again. While the quotes don’t hold the same control over me as they did a once did , I’m going to post some of them…another way to let go and move on.
Since “he” left unexpectedly July 4th weekend, I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster ride. However recently, I’ve been feeling pretty good all things considered. I believe I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and feeling confident that it isn’t actually another oncoming train in disguise.
But today….today I’m feeling a familiar weight on my heart. I know this weight well. Today I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of disappointment, sadness and the need to know “why”. I want to send “him” the following text message:
“I never thought you would runaway … and definitely not without an explanation or even a goodbye. I thought you were stronger, better than that.”
While my previous post was about living in the present, it’s nighttime and the hardest part of the day for me. All is quiet in my house and my mind wanders, my heart aches and my fingers scour the internet trying to catch a glimpse of you somewhere anywhere. Continue reading →