This appeared in my inbox. I can hear it screaming at me to pay attention to the message.
Every year a life long friend and I load up the car and watch parental and spousal responsibility fade away in the rear view mirror.
I just came back from this year’s trip. It was 5 days of just being “me”….not a wife or a mother or a professional or any of the other dozen hats I wear on a daily basis….just “me”. The person I was before I shared my life with another human being and than 3 more little human beings. A time when I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and my only responsibility was to myself.
For the last 5 days, I got a chance to be that person again. It was awesome. I laughed more in those 5 days than I have all year. We did all the girly things one could think of….pedicure, massage, shopping, eating, yoga, movies. We went to a Comedy Club and spent time on the beach. We also had time for ourselves. My friend and I are so much alike in that we both need quiet downtime where we don’t have to interact with anyone. We were perfectly content sitting in the same room reading, surfing the internet or whatever our heart desires and not say a word to each other.
This also gave me time to reflect on my life choices and the need for an escape. This annual trip is an escape from my life. The affair was also an escape from my own life. What am I escaping? On the surface and to everyone around me, I appear to have a great life. However, somewhere along the way I lost me. Having kids was definitely the point when the last sliver of the old me slipped away. I know the old me still exists. She was running wild and free these last couple of days. However, I’m not sure how to fit her into my daily life without escaping it by legitimate and not so legitimate means. I feel trapped in my own life.
After the trip, re-entry into my life was bumpy. Parental and spousal responsibility greeted me at the door and in an instant the old me went back into hiding. The weight of all my hats came back as I crossed the threshold. Sigh….
See “me” next year.
Over the last 2 months, I’ve lost some emotional weight. As with body weight, one has to work at keeping off the emotional weight or it can creep back on….unless you are one of those lucky people with a super high “happy” metabolism. You guys are inspiring.
Yesterday I had a rough day. Today didn’t really start off any better. I’m starting to feel the emotional weight coming back on. I’ve worked pretty hard to lose that weight and I don’t want it back.
I’m forcing myself to emotionally workout….
The best invention ever…the snooze button. I intentionally set my alarm earlier than I need to get up to allow me to hit the snooze button multiple times. Often times I don’t really hear the initial alarm go off but something inside of me wakes up just enough to hit the snooze. Something else happens….and the reason I love my “snooze times”…. Continue reading