Who am I?

To the entire visible world, I am the proverbial “girl next door”. I am a wife, a mother. I am a professional. I am responsible, dependable, strong and in control. I am highly organized and fiercely independent. I follow the rules and hate to get in trouble. I play it safe. I am vanilla. This is what the world sees, what the world perceives.

However, sight and perception are often distorted.

Viewed through a different lens there is another version. One that hides behind the smoke and mirrors of the version above. A version that no one would ever guess exists…..well almost no one.

I break the rules. I am reckless and wild. I can be irresponsible and weak. I hide tears behind closed doors. I’m selfish and selfless. I was a lover to another. I’m far from vanilla.

I need to submit, give up control and be dominated. I need to feel the rush of being exposed and vulnerable by the one that deeply understands this version of me.

While this version is hidden from the world, it is the one that feels the most natural, the most comfortable. It is the one where I am free to make mistakes, free to rely on someone, free to show weakness, free to show all my imperfections, free to explore without judgment, free to be me….where I am free.

It takes a special kind of person to see past the smoke and mirrors, to look deeper and see the real me hiding in the darkness.

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