I can’t believe it’s been almost 2 weeks since my last post. I’m happy to report that I’m in a GREAT place. I was getting ready to create a post about it and then started flipping through my media folder. WOW! So many quotes dripping with hurt, pain, rejection. It’s reminder of where I was and where I don’t want to be again. While the quotes don’t hold the same control over me as they did a once did , I’m going to post some of them…another way to let go and move on.
“One day, whether you
Are 14, 28 or 65
You will stumble upon
someone who will start
a fire in you that cannot die.
However, the saddest,
most awful truth
you will ever come to find —
..is they are not always
with whom we spend our lives”
There was a spark deep inside me, dormant, waiting for someone to ignite it. That spark was a deep dark desire of mine that I kept hidden from the world. I knew it was there just waiting for the right person.
That person came along and ignited a bonfire within my soul, in my mind and in my body. He woke the sleeping giant and freed it…never to be contained again. The fire burned hotter, higher, effortlessly. That person owned the torch that fueled my desire and needs. I freely gave that control to him. I trusted him not to burn me with it. That person was my Master.
I played with the fire and got burned. The scars will forever remain. The needs and desires that he freed and then left behind still smolder in my soul. It is a part of me that cannot be completely extinguished.
…exactly what I longed for years ago.
I spent my 20’s in an abusive, violent relationship. 10 years of pure hell. My now husband was my co-worker during that time. He was so kind, understanding, nice. I saw how he treated his girlfriend and I longed to have that…to be in his girlfriend’s place.
Fear froze me in that abusive relationship. I never ever thought I would have the kind of relationship I longed for. But miracles happen…
I was freed from the abuse and violence. My husband’s relationship ended sometime before that. Even though we no longer worked together, fate reconnected us. I found myself in the exact spot I always dreamt of. I was now in the loving arms of this kind, understanding man. I was no longer living in fear. Life was great.
I don’t want to spoil what I have….it was once my heart’s desire and if I stop focusing on what I don’t have, I think I’ll see that it still is my heart’s desire.
…eventually look up and take one step.
I gave myself time to stand still and feel the sadness, the hurt, the anger. But the scenery wasn’t changing.
Up ahead I started to see glimmers of sunshine. I took one step, then another and moved forward. I left the spot where I stood cemented in grief..pried my heart away and forced it to look up.
The healing process can now begin.